So, I did another one of those typical whoopsie sort of moves that I am so famous for this week. I was cleaning out some of my closet a few weeks ago in a vain attempt to retool part of it for the whole 'casual business' corporate camo in which I am now expected to indulge. Part of that came in the form of ripping out ten years worth of aquired Lee's shirts and sweatshirts. After all, I was never going to wear them again- I barely did when I was supposed to do so- and I really needed the room. So into the Goodwill bag they went.
I briefly considered the whole recycling them to other employees thing which is typical of ex-employees. But you know what? It just isn't my problem any more and it's not like anyone ever got so much as a thank-you for going out of their way to do so. So, I decided I'd just take the tax deduction instead.
Anyway, I forgot about this until yesterday, when I took the Jeep to work and ran a few errands on my lunch. One of which was dumping off some stuff at Goodwill, which I could do remarkably quickly at the San Mateo Goodwill. See, I knew the ins-and-outs of that drop off because it was only a block from the store I managed for most of my tenure at Lee's.
As I was handing off the last bag, I saw the logos pressed against the straining plastic of that overstuffed sack. And I realized how unhappy it would make Mark, the general manager, if he ever saw those shirts. A block from the San Mateo Lee's and only a little further from his house. I almost grabbed the bag back from the ancient collections man who was still smiling at me.
Then I remembered I was essentially assaulted. And that this went unchallenged by anyone in the company. Moreso, I thought about the fact that even at that moment I was being slandered by the magnanimous Lee himself in an effort to cover what happened. (Ironic, no?) And no one has challenged that either.
So I let the bag go and watched it disappear into the little processing cavern they've got going behind the Goodwill. Because Lee just isn't my problem any more either.
The best part of this whole thing has been what Rob said to me when we met for the first time since I walked away from the company. He just shook my hand and said "Hey! Thanks for taking me off the top of the persona non grata list!"
I find it amusing and painful at the same time. Mostly because I made a conscious effort to exit gracefully instead of trying to pull the walls of that place down behind me. But because of Lee's usual idiocy and Mark's unwillingness to stand up to him, there are customers who I actually care about who think poorly of me. And that's sad. Sadder still, though, is that the toxic atmosphere that has become such a part of life at the Mountain View store will always remain while Lee is in charge. But like beaten spouses, the employees still hang in there expecting things to somehow get better.
I made my decision to leave the day I realized how unsafe it was. Lee may never actually crack- although I am much relieved I won't be the one to test that theory- but he's damaged so many people who've come through the company it just makes me want to cry. Bleeding ulcers, hypertension, alcoholism and depression. These shouldn't be the hallmarks of a tiny retail business. And they aren't at the San Mateo store, that golden prize everyone at the company has always scrabbled over. I did love that store. I loved the customers even more. They, like so much else pertaining to the last ten years of my employment, are lost to me now. A high price. But acceptable to get away from all that poison. I have a decent enough job now, if not as exciting. Of course, at Lee's 'exciting' was never really used in the positive connotation anyway.
My new workplace is a nice refuge. It's a good place to rest and reflect, yet still active enough to keep me from reflecting too much. Plus there are decent bennies. In the end, I guess that's enough.
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