Kratzen vom Rathaus

All Hallow's Eve

What can I say? This won't be my typical favorite holiday of the year. Songs that usually amuse me resonate in that same way that every radio station plays angst music the night you break up a relationship. This year holds no costumes, no insurance bag of snickers to be eaten later without guilt in the name of proper disposal, no festoons of flowers over the nearby hispanic cemetary tomorrow. I finished reading Witches Abroad instead of heading straight for the hospital this morning, which I justified because my head has been pounding for the last 56 hours or so. And I figure that's Halloween appropriate, at least. Plus the book ended with a bit of wisdom that really hit home, particularly since my mother's personality bears more than a passing resemblance to Granny Weatherwax:

Nanny kicked her red boots together idly. "Well, I suppose there's no place like home," she said.
"No," said Granny Weatherwax, still looking thoughtful. "No. There's a billion places like home. But only one of 'ems where you live."

And since I'm amid that exact dislocation right now, I find that passage oddly consoling instead of depressing or just funny. Same as I do the Halloween music. The first song I heard on the radio this morning was an old depression era number with the rather ominous refrain; "Enjoy yourself.... It's later than you think." But it's good advice. Van Morrison had a similar song a few years back that I also like. Now that the ipod appears to have recovered from its imminant demise this weekend I may even get to hear it.

Let's hope Mom is as resiliant.

Beckham Call

Yesterday was spent at the hospital. Today I am at various fields in the soccer-mad Tri state area while my niece and nephew play to their respective games.
Katie had just turned 6, but is playing up on a U7 team. (Who are in turn playing in a U8 indoor league. So she's actually playing two years up.) I found the indoor part fortunate, because the game was at 8 AM (that's 5 AM to you and me) and the frost was still covering the grass at that time. Even better, midway through the game I realized a friend of mine from high school was in the stands. Her daughter was also on the team. So I spent the last half chatting and watching the inevitable. But Katie scored a goal- so I'm happy.
Now I am at a tournament for Patrick about 60 miles from the first game. He's a keeper and a rather capable one if I'm any judge. And I think several years of hockey entitles me to be. He's got good reach, decent angles and a healthy stride when he needs it. I am most pleased. I think Tony would be as well, what with that whole goalie fraternity and all.
I am currently hiding in my ipod from the onslaught of someone I have labeled 'Jackson's father.' At least I fervently hope the man is his father because otherwise the situation is slightly more intolerable.  He's run a one hour commentary on everything Jackson has done wrong. And he proceeds every insult with 'Jackson...' which is how he got his label. Even when play is stopped, poor Jackson still doesn't seem to be in correct position. I wouldn't be suprised if Jackson quits soccer in the next few years. Who wants to spend their weekends being consistantly verbally abused in public? Yeesh.

Addendum- After all the terrible ordeals I have put the poor iPod through, I think I've found the one that killed it. It involved a bottle of water, my purse and a leaking cap. I drowned the poor bugger. Also, Michele mentioned that Jackson was evidently leaving the team to play lacrosse in the spring. Poor boy. I do hope the spectator area is better separated from the field in that sport.

Delaney Irony

My brother, who lives about ten miles from the old homestead, is on a business trip. He's cutting it short, but it seems we'll both be in the air heading home tomorrow.

Heading to Weather

This morning, the skies finally opened up for the first rain in months. It's that languid, drenching rain that always makes me think of Hemmingway. Most appropriate, no? The bastard never failed to depress me.
Not usually given to such sentiments, I started the day with a small sacrifice. I had bought an awesome gargoyle fountain which had coincided with the beginning of this whole mess. Because of the timing, I have not been able to look at the thing without thinking of mom's illness. So I took it up to a neighborhood labaryth that was created in memory of the family's lost daughter. I left a note of donation and saluted mom's memory in the drizzle, then headed to work to break my employment contract.
Nadim is a wonderful guy who happens to have lost his mother, and recently his mother-in-law, to cancer. I wish I could say that helped, but it only makes the whole thing more depressing.  He told me to give him a call when this whole thing is over if I want to come back to work even part time. Then he said one of the nicest things I've ever had a boss say: he said he liked the way I think.
Under any other circumstances, that would be preen material.
Then I remember that particular affectation is a conscious imitation of one of my mom's cutisms and look, we're already full circle again.
Which is how this day has mostly been.
Probably how it's going to be for some time to come.

Change of Plans

Y'all knew this was coming right? The best laid plans of mice and men.
Or women and rats as the case may be.                                  

Bkng            Flight               Status Class       City                    Time   
Thu 27OCT DELTA 1040        OK     Q   LV       SAN FRANCISCO   1057A                                                    
                                                       AR       CINCINNATI         620P         

I got the phone call tonight that mom's been admitted into the hospital, and if I want to "see my mom while she's still my mom" I'd best be doing so immediately.
I'll be gone for a bit and I don't know how much I'll be posting.

Head Games

After three attempts, I finally got the correct replacement cheekpads for my old, battered Arai. The original pads were so badly degraded that the first guy sized 'em up and gave me 15 mm pads instead of 30mm. Two tries later and I am the proud owner of a properly fitted helmet. Which was wonderful on the bay area circle tour I did yesterday to get ratmeds. I can certainly feel the improvement. The helmet no longer rattles and puts so much pressure on my neck in the wind. I guess you just don't notice these things when it happens over the course of time.
But the helmet is now just a little snug around the front of the pads, making me feel like I just went nine rounds with somebody's great aunt. ("oohdontchujustlooksocutesweetie")
Yowsah.
It also feels particularly good where I managed to get myself smacked in the temple with two feet square of drywall this weekend. (Don't ask, I blame gravity.)
I hope these break in quickly as there's a chance I'll be taking a long trip next month.

Killing the Suspense

Since I know some of you are wondering about how my mom's lab results turned out- well, so have I. Today (A good how many days after they were supposed to get the information? Sixteen by my count.), I got this opening salvo in a rare actual e-mail from my Dad:

HI STEPH:

I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN TALKING TO JOHN ABOUT MOM, SO I ASSUME YOU KNOW 
ABOUT THE TWO CANCEROUS GROWTHS SHE HAS DEVELOPED.  THE ONE ON HER 
SPINE ORIGINATED FROM THE ONE ON HER LUNG, AND THE TOTAL SITUATION 
IS SERIOUS.

For Dad to use the word "SERIOUS"- I have never understood his penchant for the caps lock key- upsets me more than the rest of the post. He gives a passing mention of two MRIs (for possible brain tumors), finishing with his usual "don't worry everything will be fine" blandishments.  Once a cop, always a cop.

I really have nothing nice or insightful to say at this point. Suffice to say, I'm grateful that my father has stepped up to the plate and seems to have desinated himself in charge of the situation. This means that there's a chance I will not have to be.
My own plans are still an unconfirmed "back to Ohio" but I'm still just making it up as I go along.

Soup Again?

My dad always liked the phrase "in the soup" and I guess I do too, because twenty years on and I'm still finding myself in it on a regular basis.  Tonight's was mostly just an attempt to betray one of my favorite people. Carolyn and I had dinner before the monthly WoW meeting so we could catch up, something we just haven't done enough of lately. Plus there was the the option of Thai before the meeting or Round Table during. Not really a hard decision. In the course of conversation, Watson Lake came up. Which it tends to as years of therapy won't be able to erase parts of that evening. And Carolyn did an imitation of me saying; "Well, I'm married, but my friend is single..." Which was a mercenary attmempt on my part to redirect the attentions of a fully potted and half insane denizen of that frontier town.
A few hours later, nominations came up for 2005 WoW officers. And remembering that you only hurt the ones you love, I figured Carolyn would make a damn fine director. I mean, have you ever seen her prepare? When she organizes something, it STAYS organized, damn it. So offering her up as chapter fodder seemed almost not heartless if you look at it from that perspective.
That evil girl looks me square in the eye and says, "Only if you're co-director."
Shit.
That didn't turn out right.
But we still have a month, and perhaps someone is secretly desperately wanting to run the Wind Dancers in 2006. If not, well, it should be a lark. Plus at this point I'm willing to sell a kidney just to make it to 2006 without any more mishap. Signing myself on for some work is a small price. (Remember this post when I'm bitching about it in a few months. Just don't remind me, okay?)

On A Happy Note

I got the BEST e-mail in my inbox this morning. Wait, better yet, I'll let you read it:

HOLLY JEAN <[email protected]> wrote:

Date: Tue, 18 Oct 2005 07:39:19 -0500
From: HOLLY JEAN < [email protected]>
Subject: Re: ONLY In TEXAS or WISCONSIN
To: Stephanie D <[email protected] >

Good Morning Stephanie!

Got my motorcycle parked outside the vet school this morning - first
time ever! Very happy. Miss you!

LOVE,
hollyjean

Isn't it WONDERFUL!
Way to go, Holly!

Still Waiting...

Mom was supposed to get the biopsy results back yesterday.
When I called today, she asked to call me back since she was waiting for his call. I have to wonder how long she's been sitting beside her phone. And the brain is already trying to pattern match whether this tardiness is a good sign or a bad sign, when most likely it's just a sign things are busy at the lab.